Ali, 17

HER STORY

I have always felt alone. Throughout my life, loneliness has accompanied me, and I always saw it as something negative. But now I have learned to embrace it as a fundamental part of me. It all started at school, in high school. In my class, quite a few people teased me because of my personality, and that made my chances of making fewer friends. And yes, I did have some friends, but I couldn't be myself with them. I've dealt with my problems by myself since my family never cared about anything and I never thought comfortable talking about it with them. Also, I had been going to the conservatory since I was eight years old, so I didn't have much time to be with other children. What little time I had, I spent it reading. Then came high school. I don't know why, but as I got older, the problems affected me more, and these problems were mainly the loneliness I felt.

"It made me want to cry every time I saw that I was the only one who went alone when there was class, and despite having "friends", they never waited for me. I was only able to think that I was a nuisance, and that's why no one noticed me".

When it came to doing group or teamwork in physical education, my group of friends took turns not getting on me. All of this made my self-esteem nonexistent so I didn't even have myself. In my freshmen year of high school, during breaks, I began to say that I was going to the bathroom when in reality I locked myself in a classroom and began to read to forget myself, even if it was only a few minutes from reality. The year before was when my best friend saved me. He made me feel a little less alone and supported me at all times. But it ended up not being our year, so I didn't have him by my side either, leaving me once again alone.  

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Before high school, I had real friends for the first time in my life. During those years I did quite well, and I was able to experience what it was like to be expected when leaving class and to be accompanied by the corridors. Things that no one had ever done for me. I had a group of friends in which I met my best friend at that time. To those who loved very much. This helped me improve my relationship with loneliness, because I no longer felt alone, and that made me learn to appreciate the time I spent alone. I started to love being with myself. But then my best friend and I stopped being together, and that tore me apart and caused me to lose the whole group of friends as well. I would be alone again. This happened in the summer, and it was without a doubt the worst summer of my life.

"I didn't leave my house, and all I did was cry and read. Everything I suffered, I suffered alone"

because I had no one except two friends with whom I could not talk through messages. And when she started her first year of high school, my biggest fear was being alone, because I didn't want to live that again. Luckily, everything went well: I have made new friends and I have recovered some that I already thought were lost. But before that, I spent a lot of breaks alone in the bathroom, and there are times when I got saturated and needed to go away and not be with anyone. However, my relationship with loneliness has improved tremendously over the years. Before I had a permanent feeling of not fitting in, of being a nuisance, I felt very alone. Now, I have learned to be with myself, and I have found comfort in it, plus for the first time.